User blog:Sonicsilva1/Another note about the Community

Welp, another depressing note (Do I always post things like this too often?)

I'm always seeing people with lots of different characters with amazing plot stories and roleplays that get a lot of credit and positive attention for being so creative and well-made. While I'm here with only 2 characters that I've had for a long time including 1 extra that I have tried making to the best of my ability (Which I'm not even remotely proud of...)

Amazing custom drawings from people of their characters, well thought-out design for them, and barely anything is cliche about them. I do not get where these come from, and I'm trying to do the same thing so I can feel more at home to this place. But, to be blunt, I've never even remotely got attached to the talents that many people have, but more became jealous and saying to myself "Man, I really wish I could be like them, just so I can fit in with everyone else."

I have never said, "I feel more welcome at this place" and meant it. It's always like "Why do I feel like I'm the outlier here?" and sticking to what I do most: Being lazy, complaining that I have no talent, scared to say something that will end up getting me into trouble, and just go right back to YouTube not even bothering to try something that could change my life for the better.

I just don't really understand why I keep putting myself into worse conditions when I'm trying to get better. I am stubborn, but not this stubborn; so much that I refuse to believe that others say I should do, and go where I think I should be:  I just don't want to risk myself getting worse or even attempt to get better because I know that I would fail again.

Does this mean that I have lost confidence in who I am, I'm digging my own grave that no one else told me to make, or that I'm just plain lazy and doing this for attention? You can tell me in my profile if you want to, that is your choice.