User blog:IvyMeme/Review my short story?

I have written a short story which I dream to get published one day for you all to buy from your local bookstores.

I believe that, despite the short length of this tale, it can personally connect with a younger, developing generation. It is full of lovable characters and dramatic plot twists.

I am certain this book will be a hit with the publishers, but to get to that stage I need your help. Please read it and give your thoughts. It has already got VERY positive reviews, and there are demands for a sequel.

I hope you enoy my short story: Paul the Satanic Dad.


 * Paul was a right dad. He would always wear ugly striped polo shirts and always had that demonic smile of his. He would always laugh with the other dads and have fun despite them being strangers whom will never see them again. He was like a cult leader. 
 * Everyone was scared of him. His whole family feared the family trips. “Come on Family!” Paul exclaimed, as they got to the Airport to go to Spain, he had a big smile, glowing like the depths of Hell. His Kids and family had to do their fake smile to seem happy. As they got into the airport the youngest of the family, Joey, tugged on Paul’s Satan-Shorts. 
 * “Daaaaaadddddddd, I’m Hungry.” 
 * Paul’s head did a whole 360 turn before staring at Joey, smiling the smile of murder. He stared into Joey’s soul…a firey aura appearing around him. Joey’s sister Kate tried to get Joey’s attention so he could escape Paul’s evil Dad-Wrath…but it was too late…. 
 * “Hi Hungry…..I’m Dad!” 
 * Suddenly he shot up into the air with 100s of the other Dads in the airport, all completely identical. As if they were of the same satanic entity. They all shot up into the air and erupted in a roar of laughter and gathered in this satanic ritual. 
 * The ground started shaking, the area got much hotter as the roaring laughter continued. The Satanic words of the Dads were chanted in a Demonic Trance to contribute to the roaring Dad-Laugh. 
 * “Hi Hungry, I’m Dad!” 
 * “hAiL tHe DaRk LoRd sAtAn” 
 * The ground was ripping apart and people clung to each other as the Dad’s flew around, firey red auras surrounding them, the demonic chants and laughter never ending. Their legs seemed to be on fire as they rocketed around with their satanic smiles. The building started to slowly fall to pieces as the ground was ripped from the earth, slowly descending into the deep depths of Hell. 
 * This is the moment. 
 * This is the moment the Dads take control. 
 * You’re in Daddy’s world, Joey. 
 * “Hi Hungry, I’m Dad!” 
 * “hAiL tHe DaRk LoRd sAtAn” 
 * The ground was ripping apart and people clung to each other as the Dad’s flew around, firey red auras surrounding them, the demonic chants and laughter never ending. Their legs seemed to be on fire as they rocketed around with their satanic smiles. The building started to slowly fall to pieces as the ground was ripped from the earth, slowly descending into the deep depths of Hell. 
 * <span class="message" style="white-space:pre-line;color:rgb(80,24,122);">This is the moment. 
 * <span class="message" style="white-space:pre-line;color:rgb(80,24,122);">This is the moment the Dads take control. 
 * <span class="message" style="white-space:pre-line;color:rgb(80,24,122);">You’re in Daddy’s world, Joey. 
 * <span class="message" style="white-space:pre-line;color:rgb(80,24,122);">This is the moment. 
 * <span class="message" style="white-space:pre-line;color:rgb(80,24,122);">This is the moment the Dads take control. 
 * <span class="message" style="white-space:pre-line;color:rgb(80,24,122);">You’re in Daddy’s world, Joey. 
 * <span class="message" style="white-space:pre-line;color:rgb(80,24,122);">You’re in Daddy’s world, Joey. 
 * <span class="message" style="white-space:pre-line;color:rgb(80,24,122);">You’re in Daddy’s world, Joey.