Talk:Ominous/@comment-4107522-20190815195600

Ominous review

Gonna touch on the main areas. Not gonna review things like Concept and Creation since that’s not really a matter of quality.

TEMPLATE SECTION

~His age makes sense with the seal area you mentioned in the backstory, but if he grew up on a traditional Mobius, and was freed on a traditional Mobius, 10,000 seems excessive. My suggestion is to either make it clear that the world has changed drastically over 10,000 years (continental changes, futuristic advancements, even post-apocalyptic reworkings of the planet) or to shorten his time in the seal to something more in the hundreds.

~I suggest putting his original name as well.

~Why would his height be unknown? If you haven’t decided on it yet, it’s best to put “N/A” to avoid confusion.

~If possible, it would be good to include names of his parents.

~Good use of geography when including Adabat, but perhaps you could specify where Shadow Valley is, or what kind of landmass (country, city, etc.).

~In the likes section, you have rejection listed. Was that intentional?

~Occupation would be “to purge all evil” wouldn’t it?

APPEARANCE

The description is very detailed. The only thing I’d add is specification of height. Nothing much to add beside that as you did a good job with the description.

PERSONALITY

Again, very well-detailed. I like how you reflect his personality by mentioning other characters like Eggman, though if there are others you can reference, that would be good, like his parents.

HISTORY

~The Early Life gives a good idea of his early origin, but there are some areas I feel could be more addressed. More about his parents, such as their professions, economic placement, and brief reasoning for their own upbringings would help give us an idea of why they’d be so abusive. Additionally some description of the culture and area Ominous grew up in would help: perhaps even playing into why the bully at school had his mentalities.

~I’m not sure he’d be considered a criminal if he’s underage, as the attack on the new kid happened while he was in school. Juvie, yeah, but legally not quite a criminal.

~There isn’t much to describe how Ominous lives after fleeing to the forest. Does he just live like a cave man? Does he have to go back to the city?

~There isn’t really a specific instance that would prompt the “gods” to act against Ominous. I think it would be better if you showed him taking action to cause destruction first, which would prompt their action.

~If there are gods in this, there needs to be some description of how they work: what the religion is called, how many gods there are, how they’re part of the culture, and how they’re connected to Ominous.

ABILITIES/POWERS/WEAKNESSES

I feel you have a good mix of abilities that are unique. However, I don’t think the weaknesses balance enough. Self-loathing, overconfidence, these things are more character flaws than weaknesses, and seldom affect actual battle situations. Other people being immune to his abilities are also not really a weakness for him (though it is good you included those). The only real weakness I see is him exploding from too much energy.

I think there should be more specific tangible weaknesses. It’s always best to give characters at least one regular weakness at least, like being susceptible to mind control, being able to be shot or stabbed, or even having mental blocks that send them into some hallucinated state.