Jared's Top Ten Worst Post Gensis Wave Archie Sonic Characters.

Welcome back everyone to another one of Jared’s Top Ten Reviews! Well, we all knew this was coming. After giving two very personal reviews of me rewarding the gems of not only the new Archie canon, but also me giving my honest review on some of my personal favorite Post Genesis Wave Archie and Sonic characters, I think it’s time for Jared to do what he is best at. Yep, that’s right, time for Jared to tear down the walls of the Sonic fandom with a big hammer!

However, before I start this little rant episode I would like to make a few things clear, just so that I can show good sportsmanship to the Sonic fan community and give credit to Archie comics where it is do. This means the following:

1. Unless the character makes an appearance in the rebooted comics I will not be reviewing old Archie characters.I feel that review is for another day and if I’m going to beat that dead horse I’d better not be that serious. I will not be cheating my audience and start to review dead horses instead of actual here and now content.

2. I will be giving explicit advice on how if I see a character can be done better then I will state my opinion.

3. I will warn everyone, I may step on your toes if you like any of my characters I’ve chosen. I apologize in advance if I am about to ruin your world.

Now that this has been established, let’s begin this little train wreck and see just what has been half-way done, pure lazy, or really needs a good fixing. Anyways, here is Jared’s top 10 WORST Post Genesis Wave characters!

10.Gold the Tenrec

I can feel it now, I will be getting a lot of flak from this choice especially due to how this character has been received from the Archie Sonic fan community. However, I’ve got my parachute ready and I’m ready for some incoming fire! Now first off, I would like to disperse any notions that may come up regarding the fact Gold is stated to be a lesbian or bisexual in the comic. I will tell you know, if the romance goes well then I will like it, if not then that is another topic for another day and not the main reason I’ve picked Gold as #10. The REAL reason I’ve picked Gold is very simple….She’s generic and rather pointless. I get that Gold is supposed to replace Blaze the Cat, and to be honest I didn’t really have a problem with her just being Archie’s analog to make a proper story Arc, (an ark that by the way Jared really liked in the end because IT HAD A GIANT SILVER THE HEDGEHOG! We all know how Jared likes his giant Sonic characters now don’t we? XD Anyways, back to Gold. )

My real gripe with Gold is just that she is sort of, there. Her powers I feel were nothing more than a Deus Ex Machina to help Silver and Von Schlemmer, (the later of the two on my top best list, please check it out at your leisure), but the mere fact that Gold didn’t have much personality other than Silver’s sort of to be buddy who really only ended up giving him a pep speech of ‘you can’t do it!’ sort of to me was a waste of potential. However, I do believe that if Archie really fleshes her out, she maybe in the future an adequate replaces for her highness, Blaze the Cat.

8.Queen Angelica the Fish

Oh! I get it, Angelica is a reference to Angelica Pickles from Rugrats! Very cleaver Archie with your mention of Nigel Acorn sounding like Tem Curry who played Nigel Thornberry in the Wild Thornberries. One little problem however. Angelica is shallower than her fish species. To be honest the arc she was placed into fell under my radar, mostly because it was to me another generic ‘under the sea’ story arc. However, Angelica has made it just under Gold in this list because surprise, she has no personality other than being a snooty queen with no real reason other than good old Atlantian xenophobia. (Because it works so well for Aquaman and DC right?) What’s that Jared? You say that you have your own fancharacter like Apex the Dolphin and his gang, and their underwater fascist state of Baruda? Why yes, I do. However the thing is that their xenophobia isn’t so much about surface dwellers as it is about their ideology being nationalist fascist, and for all of the see critters in Mesopis they have no real reason to be xenophobic other than ‘because Aquaman’. I would at least like Angelica and her husband to turn into villains so they can just sort of develop as such, to me she seems like a villainess in the making and I surely hope she becomes that. She is just too one dimensional and not even to the point you’re supposed to hate her for it, then again like I’ve said most of this arc wasn’t all that spectacular to begin with.

7. Moss the Sloth

Ohh boy, I can hear the fandom now. Number seven on the list is your average and generic ‘wax on, wax off’, Yoda,Sensei, old man trainer stereotype. Moss is all these and then more, and that’s the problem. You see, it’s not that I have a problem with the elder mentor architype, in fact I sort of like it as I like the old man with ages of wisdom and training. However, Moss’s only point in the comics thus far is to be the out of nowhere deus ex machina to get for A) to get Sonic to basically get to control his totally awesome wherehog form, (and more on the weherehog later on), and B) to point him in the right direction for the hero to go save the day by finding all the things. The thing about Moss is that I’ve feel for a witty and ironic hyperbole, that the Archie Sonic team were basically being lazy as a sloth when they made him. It’s not that he has a bad personality for an old geezer, but rather the fact he is just here to randomly be the guy to help Sonic get over his feral werehog form and then point him on his merry way on his adventure. Moss needs to come back and actually get in the ring and have a badass old guy return and knock a few whipper snapper’s heads around!

6. Black Death

Oh this one hurts me personally, just look at who won my top 10 best Archie Sonic reboot characters list as THE #1 on my list and see why. I can sum up why I hate him in the story for about two things: He is Eclipse’s father figure in a sense and his dad and most importantly, HE DIES IN THE SAME FUCKING ARC HE DEBUTES IN! Yes, that’s right, Eclipse the Darkling’s father/ creator, and dies by Shadow the Hedgehog’s hand in the SAME arc he was introduced in. He basically was a pointless throw away character to give Eclipse the motivation to hate Shadow’s guts even more. I can’t even give anyone advice on how to fix him, because he’s dead by his own debut arc! What a waste!

5. Every supporting cast character from the Sonic Boom Mini Series.

Pointless cameos, pointless cameos everywhere. This miniseries was good to its source material, but most of these characters other than Sticks really don’t have any purpose being in the comics. I’m sorry if you liked these Sonic Boom miniseries comics, but I think they have little point. Nothing more to say but why Archie? Why?

4.Tundra the Walrus.

This one, this one hurts me as a SATAM fan, this one hurts me as an old Archie Sonic fan. As many of you may have seen from my top 10 Archie Sonic Post Genesis Wave list, I’ve been VERY supportive of the new Egg Bosses over all the older ones. However, this asshole deserves to be mentioned as the sorry excuse for a father that his large walrus ass is. Why does Jared hate Tundra? Well it’s simple, he treats his own son Rotor like shit! Why you ask? Is it because supposedly Rotor is supposed to be homosexual and there is undertones of Tundra not approving? Is it because Rotor ran away to join the Freedom Fighters? Hell no! The REAL reason is rather simple, Archie wanted to have shock value with Rotor’s relationship and pulled the old ‘abusive evil parent card’. That’s right, apparently villains cannot be good parents because daddy is evil. *All of Jared’s parent villains such as Ivan, Ophelia, Amanda, Arnzarel, and even Adult Grief facpalm all at once*

I know, I don’t have the budget of Archie Comics, I don’t have the amount of fans or the artistic capabilities. However I know one simple thing, Villains can be the best and baldest, and still love their children! Hell, I’ve written many characters where their love and compassion for their children drives their villainy. Oh, it’s implied when Tundra fought Akhlut that he somehow ‘regrets’ his wife, his warriors, and his son’s loss? Ha ha! Don’t give me that bullshit, sorry Archie, but I see right where you’re going with this guy and it’s been done over and over, time after time again! You just want to give poor Rotor some shock value douchebag father who might as well be an abusive alcoholic for all good he is to Rotor.

'''3.Dr. Julian Snively'''

Oh dear, Snively what have they done to you? Look, I like Snively despite his weasel cowardly, and overly loser personality. Why? Because that makes him the perfect sidekick for Eggman/Robotnik. When I’ve first saw Snively in GUN in this universe I’ve thought he would be done a bit better and less of a ruined mess after Eggman left him in his capsule pod at the end of the pre-reboot. However, he is the embodiment of what I hate all about G.U.N. He’s a villains playing the ‘good guy

Scientist with high ranking official connections, and for the most part it doesn’t even work. Snivley is completely out of place in GUN, he is a bad guy through and through, all I see now is him simply ‘joining’ Eggman, which big shocker right there! Snively got what he deserved when Eclipse blew up his little ‘lunch box’ monitor drone. Snively is scum, he should be played like scum and not have GUN support. You’re only making him look like the type of nut to bomb a foreign country with government support, on the supposed good guy’s side! He is the embodiment of why I think GUN is full of morons, the sooner Snively finds himself back under Eggman’s semi-good graces the better!

2.Tails Doll

Why? Why are you here Tails Doll? You’re a dull cloud who blocks all the sunshine! You have no point being in this story, and you’re basically a crappy byproduct of idiotic memes like Slenderman and Sonic EXE that needs to die! Yeah, you all heard me. Tails Doll, Sonic.EXE, and Slenderman are lame and they are memes that shouldn’t be put into any comic worth printing for actual currency!

Look, I understand that there are some new talent in Archie comics come right off the streets of Deviantart, I very much like that Archie tries to keep ‘hip’ with new ideas, a grasp of the internet community formed around their works, and that they tried to keep things funny every once in a while with a meme. However, I do not like that they have to resort to, this:

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Tails Doll, you are a worthless piece of shit meme that shouldn’t be in the Archie Comics, period. IF Sega decided to reboot you and make you into a character I’d be fine with it, but not this creepypasta wannabe bullshit!

1.Sigma

I’m going to skip past the ‘honorable’ mentions as I’m not going to even try to make any come close to this top contender stinker, this colossal colliding of crap, this superior specimen of shit. No, I am going to #1 uno baby, and this time I’m taking a bite out of the Megaman fandom! (Note: I apologize in advance, I personally do not care about Megaman, but I see this as treading into my waters here.)

The top WORST Post-Archie Sonic Rebooted character is? *Takes out a gun, don’t you dare drum roll for this bastard* Sigma in that god awful Worlds Unite Arc. This fine piece of work is what happens when you try to push deadlines and stories to make pointless crosseovers to sale products for money, and it doesn’t work. I will be the first to say this, I know that this is treading into the Megaman fandom, and ‘you don’t know the story Jared, you don’t know the plot he’s in!’ Well yes, I don’t, however I do know one thing, he’s in my Archie Sonic fandom.

Why does Jared despise him so much? I mean other than the fact he is supposed to be despised? (Which ironically I understand as I have plenty of villains who are supposed to as such), well? He isn’t even likeable as a villain for one. Yep, he has little motivation other than ‘well I’m just like this’, he enters the Sonic multiverse and through a bunch of Archie brand random hijinks he somehow achieves bullshit godhood and guess what? It doesn’t even make sense why he is like this and why he is even here. He is just so overpowered against most of the characters, and for that matter the Archie Sonic characters are barely even competent! No, no, you do not take such well-developed characters and make them your furry bitches you monster of a crossover, and I blame this all on Sigma. Don’t get me wrong, some of the ideas for the mind controlled characters was neat, the fact Dr.Whily and Eggman teamed up again was spot on badass, and however this guy ruins the whole kit and caboodle with his very presence. Everything he does is so easy and he just takes a shite not only on Archie Sonic characters, but official Sega characters like the Deadly Six! (Even Leena, you asshole!)

Now I understand, this entire ‘arc’ was a bigass clusterfuck just made to sell yet another crossover event, and personally I’m going to forget it just ever existed. However Archie, if you MUST make another crossover like this, keep this Sigma asshole out. He is the very epitome of why this arc sucked ass, he basically was fanservice for Megman fans to shit over Sonic Archie fans, in which I feel this is a gravely laughable disservice to Archie’s audience and the fandom as a whole.