Talk:Pyrance The Hedgehog/@comment-25083225-20160420051610

I really like the idea of this character ^^ but I'd also like to give some constructive criticism, because I really think you have something special here.

What's his full name? This wouldn't normally be so important, but Pyrance is a teacher. In many (if not most cultures) as a sign of respect, a student will refer to their instructor by a surname. This may not be applicable to the world you built though, so it's only an observation.

To be honest, it's tough to deduce what kind of setting his homeworld is like. The way the nation operates seems like a rural, isolated traditional society, but his clothing is more modern. More description about the nation and how it operates within the modern world would fix this.

Besides a few grammatical hiccups, awkward word choice and repetitive sentence structure (I'm not holding most that against you though, as that sort of thing takes experience) though, I would go into more detail about his personality and give a little bit of insight into his personality and behavior. I can tell that he has a high sense of honor and desire for victory, with mostly shame if he doesn't meet the high expectations he sets for himself, but that's all I can deduce.

If you're planning on writing stories and rping more with Pyrance, I suggest that you add more detail into his spiral into depression and his recovery after losing to a student. What happened to him that made him recover his self-esteem and pick himself up by the bootstraps. When you suffer from depression and shut yourself off from the world as long as he has, you don't just step back up at 100%.

It takes some sort of struggle or epiphany before you regain your pride and power. Especially for someone who's ego was as fragile and success-dependent as Pyrance's. If he was as ruined as the text implied, then it would have definitely taken something or someone to recover his confidence enough to challenge the Winter Pundits, who are strong enough to pose a threat to the Flame Guardian's entire institution.

These are just my suggestions because I think Pyrance would make a really awesome, well rounded character who would be fun to RP with, but I feel like there's some development and detail that his profile is missing. You want your readers to be interested and invested into your main character, so the more relevant and interesting details you can describe and flesh out, the better.

I can't wait to see more, and how this story continues ^^