User blog:Carefulspoon/I think i might leave forever ='(

This blog concerns ivy’s temporary absence. I’ve said this before and ill say it again, I think everybody would be better off if I were to just leave =< please, hear me out-I have a logical explanation in why I believe this is necessary. Not long ago there were complications on the wiki-chat, complications that developed into something far more serious than they needed to be. Ivy continued to insist that none of it was my fault, but if it wasn’t then why do I feel so bad? The whole conversation started after I briefly mentioned a fan-pic I made for ivy (I didn’t even get to post it D8) it was supposed to be a happy occasion considering that was one of the few pics I’d actually drawn myself without “any” editing whatsoever. But right now “that” very pic resembles everything I’m feeling like now ;_; So its because of “my” pic that the whole conversation began in the first place, thus resulting in ivy leaving. IT “IS” MY FAULT!!!!! AND IM SORRY!!!! I never meant to hurt anyone…I didn’t know…people don’t understand how compassionate I am about others. I’ve clarified on numerous occasions that I have “SEVERE” autism that dramatically effects the way I perceive the concept of whatever situation is at hand. Because of these psychological disabilities I was born with my emotional levels are completely off the charts, its just who I am =( I can’t change this. I say things I don’t mean sometimes. Or I say things that can be misinterpreted and taken the wrong way. Understand the last thing I ever want to do is make somebody feel insecure-for I’ve experienced a variety of insecure episodes back when I was a member of several public schools. I’d act up or breakdown at a such a critical level that id have to be confiscated from school grounds, lest the situation became a million times worse. This is why im home-schooled. I adapt well in familiar environments and I’m comfortable here in the safety of my own home. Not out there…Me and ivy aren’t so different in terms of why we come here. We see this site as an escape from the harshness of reality, the cruelness of it. But I’ve sabotaged that DX I didn’t mean to. If I never said anything to begin with none of this would have happened. I’ve assessed this situation time and time again, trying to convince myself that ivy’s right and that this isn’t my fault, but I just can’t come up with a compromise to my feelings. Like I said: It “IS” my fault…whether it was an inevitable event set to take place at any given moment I was the one that sparked the flame which spread into a wildfire. I know ivy doesn’t blame me-yet she has every right to…and something similar to this happened a few months ago. I unintentionally insulted ivy, understand it wasn’t at all deliberate, but this was right about the time she posted the autism awareness blog after that anon made fun of autism. I told her I would leave if she wanted me to, though she said she wanted me to stay as well as a few others… I HAVE NO IDEA WHY! WHY THE HELL WOULD ANYBODY WANT ME TO STAY!!!!? I’ve been nothing but a plague to this site ever since I joined. Here is your opportunity to be rid of me for good. Just tell me you want me to leave and I will, and I’ll NEVER come back D= All it’ll take is one solitary comment for me to approve of this conclusion. I’ll come on a few times just to post all the fan-pics I said I’d make for everyone but if im only going to continue hurting people then I don’t think I should stay. I’m sorry ivy, im sorry everyone, this is just the way I feel and I cant change who/what I am…even if I’d like to…