Talk:Raven the Cyberhog/@comment-4988763-20190308033219

You wanted my thoughts, so I'll try to convey them here.

Appearance: The section is alright. I'd just suggest changing his appearance a bit to reflect more his introverted personality, as in, some of his colors. Loud red and orange colors usually don't give people that impression while softer colors like blue usually do, especially since a big part of his personality, save for the last paragraph, seems to indicate that he is distant and logical.

I'd especially change his quills and shoes. The Sonic-like quills should just go while the shoes, personally, just don't look aesthetically pleasing. I'd change them to something simpler. Sometimes less is more.

Personality: The section here is okay, save for some grammar mistakes that can be fixed, a bit of redundancy, and some things that could be worked upon. Some things:

- "Is also very intelligent" -> "He is very intelligent", "With this intelligent" -> "With this intelligence", and etc. Using a program that grammar-checks your work is a good way of circumventing this. - You mention three times that he basically is good with logic and that he is intelligent. For his intelligence, however, you don't go very in-depth about it, save for being bilingual and, erm, logical. -The word "income" doesn't work in that context. -If you wrote more about his overprotective and aggressive nature and how it kind of contradicts his usual cool and distant demeanor, it would make him more interesting.

History: As of this writing, this section does not seem to be finished.

So far, it deals with cults, nightmares, dead parents, serial killers, bullies, suicidal thoughts, and aliens. It wasn't badly written by any means, no, but there's way too much going on. Honestly, if you removed everything before the "Learning How to Fight" section, the story would still be coherent and be easier to follow.

Another piece of advice I would give you is to name-drop concepts sparingly (we don't really need the name of his bully, for example). Name only things that are either very important or are brought up later in his story. Otherwise, it's just distracting. His "Relatives" part of the infobox is nuts.

Powers and Abilities: These sections are good. There's a lot of emphasis on his atomokinesis and its applications. Personally, the only questionable part is the whole uncontrollable gender-switching thing. It's different, sure, but it just feels so out of place. Could be removed.

Since you're still working on this page, I'd greatly suggest you create pages for the terms you find relevant for us to know about while reading about him. Without them, people will get lost.

Weaknesses: The section is fine.

Final Thoughts: I liked reading the page, but there's a lot of things that could be improved. These are just my two cents.