User blog:Frozina/Character Review - Yutrix the Android

Gosh it's been long since I did one

So yeah let's get straight to the point shall we

today I'm reviewing Yutrix by Crusher. Thanks for letting me reviewing this character Crusher, I'm looking forward to it.

For everyone who has forgotten how I review pages (or hasn't seen a review of mine at all), here's the first one.

Basic review
I like the name Yutrix, it's uncommon and not too flashy.

Age (Physical): 27 - 1 - Can't really say too much about this can I?

Gender: None, seen as female - 1 - Moving on...

Personality: Cold + driven, devoid of most emotions, introverted unless interacted with and extremely fast and intelligent - 1.25 - Interesting...

Relatives: None - 1 - Seems logical to me xD;

'''Friends: It’s difficult for her to make friends. She overthinks and calculates, which turns a lot of people off her and she can be difficult to co-operate with' - 1.25'' - That's what I'm looking for characters I can relate to-- woops

Rivals: None yet - 1 - I'll come back to this after I read the rest, k?

Romance: She doesn’t know what love essentially is, nit if it did befall her, she may grasp the concept after a while - 2 - Yes! Exactly! Artificial life forms can't love -yet-. Thanks Crusher!

Sexuality: Programmed to be straight - 0.5 - ...yeah. AI's can't... really... love yet.

Likes: Scanning data, - 0.9 - I'm not sure what to do with this. She's an AI, so she probably has to scan data 24/7? Would one really enjoy if having to do it non-stop?? I'll come back to this as well later

Dislikes: Water, hostiles, anomalies and viruses - 0.75 - You guys remember my second review? Avoid the obivious (water). Viruses... well, pretty obivious as well in my opinion.

Species: Mobian android (Appears to look like a Fox) - 0.75 - eeerp, fox.

Alignment: Good/Hero - 0.75 - I am meant to frown upon characters with a "good alignment". Sorry.

Looks
‘Muzzle’: Painted white metal muzzle, occasionally has to repaint - 1 - Hm-hmm

‘Fur’: Synthetic fur, coloured a dark red - 1 - No problem...

'''Eyes: Different colour for different setting. Red = Hostile, Yellow = Neutral and Green = Good (If you look close enough, you can see coding)' - 1'' - I didn't give you less points because she's an android. Androids are totally able to do this. Unlike... mary sues...

'''Clothing and other features: She wears a black hoodie and dark blue joggers, with brown boots. There are access slots on the back of her neck and on her back itself, to get to her electronics if there are errors and damage to her internally. Her fringe completely covers one side of her face, but it is sometimes parted. There is also a serial number on the bottom of her boots, (The boots cannot be removed, unless with force and it will potentially break her circuits) reading ‘X4NGR’. It is unknown if it means anything at this point, or whether it’s just a random series of letters and numbers. She also has a socket that allows her to be plugged into computers and all that.' - 1.5'' - Nice description, I like it.

Story
Yutrix was designed and made by a team on engineers in an attempt to make a sentient android that was capable of expressing emotions and speaking by calculating an appropriate response. - 1 - Ah, okay, valid, sorry for subtracting points at the sexuality part.

The team that worked on her didn’t have the same resources as Dr. Gerald Robotnik, hence why she is nowhere near as advanced as Shadow, when he was an android. - 1.5 - Adding points, because, well, you know how mary sues are made.

'''Certain objects were integrated into her programming, as she slowly began to be able to have long conversations with another Mobian. 5 years later, she could respond to situations, danger and even tell whether or not a person was lying.' - 0.9'' - I quickly Googled when cleverbot was launched - it was in 1997, which means Cleverbot has chatted with tons of humans for about seven years now... and cleverbot is not-so-clever yet. Future technology might have sped up Yutrix's learning process, I get that... but Mobius isn't the most advanced society we have seen, is it? I tried to look up something about robots detecting lies, but I only got the "dad buys a lie-detecting robot" joke in the search results.

'''She is able to ask about certain things and store the response in her memory banks. By this point, she was able to sprint about 100 meters before falling over, encountering an error, etc.' - 0.9'' - First one is believable, and also what cleverbot and other AI's do at the moment. The second part is kinda-sorta weird, since even less advanced robots can detect something in their way (or is it something else you meant?)

At this point, she had an inbuilt dictionary and could write short, simple sentences. - 0.5 - So... she is able to have long conversations... but her writing is so-so?

'''Going into modern times, she can write relatively complex sentences, run up to 800 meters and respond to almost anything like a real Mobian would. She was also programmed to have 5 combat sequences, for different dangers.' - 0.9 - To be honest, I think an AI needs a really, really'' long time to reach this phase, just really depends on how long the gap between the past and present is.

'''She was sent out to scan life forms and remains in contact with the engineers that created her. One day she may be called back to them, but it is unlikely unless it’s for maintenance. Sometimes it’s difficult to tell whether Yutrix is a android or not. She may act like a normal Mobian one minute, but then say sentence fragments and even sound like her voice is synthetic and fragmented.' - 1'' - Sounds okay.

'''Quick note: One of the engineers had an obsession with electro music dubstep, breakdancing, etc. so he programmed a breakdance protocol for her. She can expertly dance and (Fittingly) do the robot with her metallic joints. None of the other engineers know about this protocol and this protocol will only activate when there is loud electro, dubstep, etc. playing. He’s the workplace joker… Yeah…''' - xP

Sequences
'''Social Sequence: Initiated when being talked to. She never usually initiates a conversation; instead she calculates responses and scans the average socializations of several Mobians.' - 1.25'' - Sounds like what I would do if I were an AI.

'''Breakdance Sequence: Initiated when electro, hard dance, dubstep, etc. is playing. She can expertly dance. Do not ask the engineers whether they know about this. All of them don’t except the one the programmed it in.' - 1'' - xP

In all Combat and Defence Sequences, she can use all of her weapons, but sometimes she doesn't. - 1 - Yeah..

'''Combat Sequence I: Her weakest Combat Sequence, used for weaker enemies and excels in hand to hand combat, against opponents with melee weapons, or who are unarmed. She blocks, counters and throws powerful punches and kicks.' - 0.75'' - Weaker enemies. Powerful punches.

'''Combat Sequence II: Her second Combat Sequence is used for enemies with strong, ranged and melee weapons. She’s slightly more on the offence here, but that can leave her open to attacks. Her programming needs to be improved in this aspect.' - 1'' - It surprizes me she has a sequence III then...

'''Combat Sequence III: This Combat Sequence is used for people who have weak powers. One or two elements at most. In this Sequence, she can absorb powers and store them for future use. E.g. If someone were to fire lightning at her, she may be able to absorb it in a charge form and use it again, but she can’t keep using it. The charge depletes until there is nothing left.' - 2'' - I take back what I said. And this is cool. I like this.

'''Combat Sequence IV: This Combat Sequence is used for people who are quite powerful and are quite experienced with their powers/weapons. She can absorb and take the brunt of attacks. She’s extremely disciplined and hard to reason with, she’s cold and calculating and even bloodthirsty. Her programmers see this as a defect and are not entirely sure what causes this.' - 0.9'' - As I scientist I would take this snipet of programming out for the time being. Wouldn't you? No? Sorry then

'''Combat Sequence V: Combat Sequence V is undoubtedly nothing to ignore. This Sequence is extremely dangerous and can often lead to deaths is wrongly activated by a glitch in her programming by wrongly assessing the danger. This Sequence can even go as far as to amplify the powers absorbed by her. She’s quick and mainly on the offense.' - 0.5'' - I would DEFINITELY take this snipet of coding out as a scientist.

'''Defensive Sequence I: If losing a fight, Yutrix will switch to Defense Sequences. She’s almost never on the offense, but she will absorb powers shot at her, until she builds up enough to eventually turn the tables on the fight, unleashing a powerful blast.' - 1'' - Nothing much to say about this, it's pretty straight-forward here.

Defensive Sequence II: Same principles as Defense Sequence one, except quicker, charges up faster and she’s quicker and can almost impossible be approached if you mean harm to her. - 0.5 - This sounds like a 10/10 mary sue to me. Sorry, but I can't ignore this.

Abilities
'''Absorbtion: If she is able to block an attack, she will absorb most of the energy into something she can use and blast back at her opponent. Even if she doesn’t block and takes the brunt of an attack she still absorbs a bit of the energy. She can absorb almost any element, except water, fire and nature themed powers. She can project holograms of maps, previous scans she took, etc. plus she is made of almost unbreakable metal.' - 0.75'' - Sounds really cool... except the unbreakable metal bit.

Weapons
The weapons aren’t usually seen unless in Code Nemesis, Rush, or Chaos, but she can still access them. - 1 - I'm not sure, can she still use them? If yes, that's gonna be a 0.75.

'''Metal Shards: These can be used as projectiles and protection. She can control these blades with mere hand movements and they’re sharp and potentially deadly. She can protect herself with them, so try not to run into her when she’s in this Code.' - 0.9'' - The last sentence thought... you already stated she uses it for protection.

Laser cannon: Weaker than a large laser cannon, this is built on and can fire quick bursts of lasers, or it can charge up to unleash a more powerful blast. - 1.5 - I haven't encountered laser weapons before (FC-wise), if I had, I would've given a lower score.

'''Blades: Two blades can fold out and replace her hands. These blades and relatively short and deadly and they’re quite thin, but at the same time, strong.' - 0.75'' - I don't think you mean strong as in able to resist any type of force, right?

Transformations
'''Code - Nemesis: This Code is initiated with an especially dangerous enemy. She’s quick, cannot be reasoned with, her dictionary code is replaced with a code that increases her deadliness and speed which leads to no speaking in combat. Plus, metal shards fold out and detach from her back, then can be used as projectiles and her right hand folds out into a powerful, compact laser cannon.' - 0.5'' - Replacing a code means a loss of it. Or is that what you wanted it to be? Would be a hella good idea for a movie. Besides that, with really dangerous I hope you mean world-threatheningly dangerous, since this is pretty OP otherwise.

'''Code - Rush: This Code initiates after Defensive Sequence fails, where she can dodge most attacks and two blades fold out and replace her hands. She’s quick, but the blows deal little damage unless she cuts deep.' - 1'' - Nothing too wrong here.

'''Code - Chaos: This Code is initiated after large damage is sustained and if circuits/electronics inside her are showing. One blade folds out of her left hand, the laser cannon folds out of her right hand and the metal shards are controlled by her mind. She cannot talk and she can move extremely quickly.' - 1'' - I'm not sure what to say... the metal was hard to break trought, right? That's probably because the inside's weak, and if the circuits were showing, wouldn't it be the perfect spot to hit, which would result in a crash -or anything of the kind-? Hm.

Weaknesses
'''Water weakens her and makes her short circuit a little. If it does enter it can be potentially fatal to her circuits and electronics. Fire burns off her synthetic fur, revealing the cold metal underneath, but it doesn’t hurt her too much unless the fire reaches the melting point for metal, then she will most likely enter Code - Chaos. Illogical statements can also damage her programming, e.g. ‘This statement is a lie.’ (Stereotypical, I know.)' - 0.9'' - What metal, exactly? I assume iron, so the rest is fine. Althought, usual fires don't reach iron's melting point (with the exception of a Bunsen burner and that). Illogical statements, by the way, are not illogical, but paradoxes. Just pointing that out.

Constructive part
Only thing I really can say is to do some research before making a technology-based character. Besides that... good work, I like it, with the exception of those little nasty mary sue abilities. Also, the rivals part I would come back to? I apoligize for making you worry, there's nothing wrong with it.

Conclusion
On a scale from 1 to 10, I'm giving this character a 7. You know, the mary sue parts. You did a good job even thought you claimed it to be unfinished/bad/whatever you said, Crusher.

Thanks folks that's all