User blog:SamanthaStar/Real reasons for taking a break

I've been back from my hiatus for a while now and I've been thinking about why I left to go on a break in the first place. I wasn't 100% honest when I gave my reasons for going on a break. Truth to be told, I was really annoyed with this site and here's why.

1) I always regret going onto chat because it's either inactive, talking about stuff I'm not interested in, the RPs never include me or just bore the hell out of me. Oh and just a small thing, I hate it when people enter and leave chat like every 10 seconds or so. I know it's probably not their fault but it's one of those things I try to not let it bug me. There's this one member that I don't like that's in chat and they come off as rude to me. There has been a couple of times they've done something to annoy me but I can't remember what they are. There's something that happened recently when they've done something but the memory has gone foggy, I can't remember the details. Darn. I would report this person but I'm not sure if the admins would see their behaviour as rude or I'm too sensitive, so I just left it.

2) Another reason was because I never felt part of the community. When I offered to do requests, I hardly get any and one time I got three requests at once just before college last year, it was all for Sonic Channel art and that takes me a long time to do and I felt overwhelmed and just never did it in the end. I've made progress with Lia the Cat but that's about it. Oh and one time (I won't point any fingers), I did a shaded image and I never got a thank you. I even sent the owner a message but never got a reply or use of that image! That's water under the bridge now but it still annoys me.

I pour my heart out making my art. I put my heart and soul into it and I want you guys to peek through the window into my mind and the lives of my characters (I think that drawings of characters is like looking into the artist's mind or any art for that matter) and then I've left an angry comment on 70000000000 SHRIMP X's SSB4 request page because Shrimp can do simple pictures and get people queueing up for it while my blood,sweat and tears is left virtually unnoticed. After a while, I took it back with regret...though I think the sarcasm is unnoticed but it's still a rude comment. Sorry Shrimp. I was just angry at the site. It's not personal. :(

3) Another thing is that I don't have any friends. Yeah, you'll say hello to me when I enter chat or comment on my pages once or twice but to me, that's not friendship. A friend to me is when you say hello at any given time and talk about common interests, talk about each other and treat each other kindly and with respect. No one sends a greeting to me on my talk page so I feel like no one wants to talk to me, I can't ask for a conversation because then I'll be an attention-seeker and that's not a good thing. XD Sometimes, I think that I should be the first to say but after saying, "How are you?" where am I gonna go from there? I don't know you guys well enough to know what to talk about.

If you're thinking, "Why not make friends?" I don't know how. I've noticed that people who do things like draw pictures and include other characters in projects get a lot of attention but it didn't work for me. Even if it did work, I don't want to be liked for what I do, I want to liked for me as a person. I could give to the community but people would just use me for free art. That's one reason why I've put a price to my artwork so that people would select me because they feel that my art is good enough to pay real money for. The other reason is for a source of income. Side note: I don't do paid art right now but you can still ask, I might be in the mood for some art. Might.

4) One final reason is that I feel a bit annoyed about something...but it means calling someone out on it. I'm not sure if I should or not. Well, I'll give you the gist of it. I got in a bit of trouble for uploading recolour/tracing art twice while someone else has done the same thing but never got in trouble for it. I'm not sure if people realise it or not or they're just blinded by the fact that it's a request page. I didn't realise that it was trace art until I got my picture. I was going to call this person out on it but it's like just been minutes after I got my picture and then reporting it would be like stabbing that person in the back after they gave me something (even though it's traced and I'm not satisfied with the image). I've checked the page now and the requests are no longer accepted so I feel like it's old news but it's like that person has got away with making 30 traced images while I got called out for making 2.

I'll be pestered by this for as long as that person's tracing goes unnoticed. I just want people to acknowledge that the request page's art is traced. Whether or not the artist gets punished doesn't matter. I just want people to know about the tracing but like I said earlier, it's old news so people might not care...but like I said, I just want people to know. I just want some form of closure with this. This person is well-known so they might go easy on them or just let it slide.

Sometimes, I think that it's you guys annoying me or it's just me. There are some times when I know for a fact it's not me (such as the person not saying "thank you" for the picture) but some people here do strange things and it doesn't make me want to engage in what they're doing and on really rare occassions, someone says something so strange, in this case, something possibly sexual, it freaks me out and I just want to avoid this person and the worst part is, this person sometimes makes comments that makes me want to shake my head in disgust (rarely).

Well. There's all the reasons I didn't include in my leaving announcement. I would include the occassional inactivity but my Wikias are even more inactive (because there's only one person adding to it) so it doesn't bug me anymore. I've bottled up this anger for a long time and then I left to take a break and now I've cleared my mind. I'm sorry for not being completely honest before because I didn't feel like I could trust you guys back then so now I feel like I should be the good guy here and tell the truth. I've spent a long time typing this up and proof-reading it. Goodness me. T_T

If I could make a suggestion to the friend issue, what if there was a page where people can put a miniture profile with things that they like, what they look for in a friend and something interesting about the work that they're doing or have done. Then it'll be easier to find someone with similar interests.